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Come to Vacationland…Where We Will KILL You!!!

15 Oct

 

So. I read a butt-load of YA. When I walk into the library, the librarian greets me by name and hands me a giant stack of books. Every week. It’s amazing. And in all this reading, I noticed a trend. There are tons of YA books set in Maine. Like the fabulous Warped, by Marissa Guibord, or Dead Beautiful by Yvonne Woon, Delirium, by Lauren Oliver. I live in Maine, so naturally my reaction is all like, “WTF? Have you been here?” And, “Hey, where are all these mysterious boarding schools with classicist zombies?”

But tonight I went to this coffee hour my school does every week for its international students. It’s a fun time, and a chance to meet people from other cultures. What I did not expect was that this week, we apparently were giving some of our culture back. It started pretty innocuosly. You know, blueberries, Moxie (a soda which tastes like crap), and whoopie pies (which are exactly as appetizing as you might expect from something called a “whoopie pie”).

And then. A man gave a presentation about Maine. He might’ve talked about our ironworks or lobster trawlers or something, but no. He gave a power point filled with stills out of Stephen King movies. Oh, so, so much blood.

So there we were, telling kids from Germany, England, China, and so on that Maine’s chief points of interest are bad desserts, weird soda…oh, and THE CRAZIES. Who will smile and take you in when you break down on the side of the road. And then CHOP you UP into little tiny pieces. People, I cannot make this shit up. If there’s a rush on one-way tickets out of Bangor International Airport, that is why.

Which inadvertently answered my initial question. Apparently everyone but me knew that my state is a by-word for creepy deathtrap. Although, really, that time at my prom where the chick lost it and massacred a gym full of mean girls should have tipped me off…oh, wait. That was Carrie.

For those of you living in the other 49 states, you’re welcome.

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